kenske

ANGRY YOUNG AND POOR IS TOMORROW! 12PM to 12AM Ester Community Park on the Old Nenana Highway (off the Parks Highway near the Blue Loon). I'll be performing at 3 and sometime after 4- it'll be great! A family friendly event! It's even a fund-raiser for a non-profit (even though it's FREE admission)!

You guys should go rate it!

Things I want that would make my life better:
New cell phone
New laptop
New car
New job

Ways I can make my life better realistically:
Use old cellphone somehow
Find a new battery for my laptop (maybe freezing it)
Wait until the weekend is over to bring the car to the shop
Wait to hear back from the jobs I've applied to.

Eh, waiting. I have six dance performances this month, at least three or four in the next month. I've started teaching a middle school girl privately every day for one hour. That's $120 profit a week. It enough to...pay my rent. Well, come hell or high water, I'll have my cabin, albeit maybe no electricity. Ha :P

So um, forth of July. Yeah, party?

"I pledge allegiance to mankind, not the United States of America, but for brotherhood that shall prevail, one entity, under Love, with peace and goodwill for all."

-Paul DeRocco
NAKED AND SCREAMING
Bridgewater-Raynham Regional High School
Bridgewater, Massachusetts

(To be said at the same time of the pledge of allegiance.)

Taken from "No Place To Send a Kid: Expressions of Student Outrage From the High School Free Press selected from HOW OLD WILL YOU BE IN 1984?", edited by Diane Divoky (copyright 1969).

So, I'm getting incompletes in both of my classes this semester...kind of a failure. Well, unlike last semester, I just didn't fail them...But it's just a reminder of my health the problems that come with it (I really, really don't want to go on anti-depressents again. I don't trust the doctors to give me them AND still look at what else is wrong).

Anyway, I got into the census, and I'm just waiting for a call back to start training. Hopefully I'll be able to find another job to go along with it to keep myself busy...a job that will let me keep my eyebrow piercing.

So um, my birthday will be soon? Big party all night at bars? I don't know quite yet. We'll see.

Also, there's a very good chance that any who reads my journal will enjoy the movie "Shortbus", from the director of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. The movie has tons of unsimulated sex scenes of all varieties, but uses them to show the emotional developtment of the characters and further the plot. And it's about an underground sex club. Great stuff.

Word of the day: Aspidistra.

Ugh.

Brazil
Freaks
The Stepford Wives (not the Nicole Kidman remake)
Paris is Burning
Party Monster
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (you don't really need to see Vally of the Dolls)
Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!
Sunset Boulevard

80s movies have so much god damned social anxiety. It's a lot to handle. I'm so glad I wasn't really conscience when they happened. Unfortunately, I have evidence that they're coming back. This shouldn't happen. Didn't everyone know the 80s were horrible for everyone?

I should be getting my truck back tomorrow. Woo hoo! Freedom!

Dance team's spring show was tonight. I ended up being in more routines than I thought because Ms. Brown forgot to tell me I was in the Ryan middle school kids swing routine until...well, the last four measures of music of the song, half an hour before curtain. That was annoying, but I had more than plenty time to change.

But, more importantly, the show gave me a chance to evaluate my tiredness/sleepiness. Last year, I slept in until two or three PM the day of the show, and couldn't give all my energy after the first half of the very first routine I was in. This year, I had been up since ten AM, had applied for a job and taken a test for it (at the Census, I should hear back from them next week), and made felt good enough through the whole show to think about things like center and stuff. It was great! I never worried about my sleepiness. I mean, I didn't feel great, but the fact I wasn't conscience about it is a vast improvement. Maybe the CPAP is working, physically? So that would imply that a different problem is affecting my mental clarity. Hmm...

Anyway, Saturday night is the Lathrop Academic Decathlon's Auction and Dinner. I'll try to make it to that, after I dance all morning at Dance Theatre Fairbanks (I couldn't make Friday's practice because I was performing, so I'm making it up then). Maybe I'll be able to get my homework done at some point? Eh, I'll worry about that later.

AFTER THE FIRST SNOWFALL, THE LINES ON THE ROAD DISAPPEAR. There are no lanes anymore, just where the other drivers had carved a path into the road. Sometimes you see a tangent, a curve growing out of the path, but it quickly returns after the roads become straight. It's not safe to stray from the dry pavement everyone else has taken, or else risk sliding into on coming traffic.

The new paths made, which will likely last the next six months, take turns softer, not as angled as the road was built. What is supposed to obeyed doesn't matter, people have to live off of what is established as "Safe". You know it's safe when there are no tracts of other cars that couldn't take the turn and head off into the ditch, or worse yet another car or open water.

The graders and snow plows will finally come through in the middle of the night on most roads (sometimes if it snows enough they go down the high traffic roads, clearing out ways to the hospital and fire stations, slowing down traffic until they reach the next stop light). In the morning, you can see some of the lines under slick frozen ice, you still can't trust them. The snow which used to make the road a white plane had been pushed onto the sides or the road, sometimes the sidewalks. As the winters goes, they look less like piles and more like walls. Parallel parking becomes infeasible, and sidewalks become treacherous hill sides. Cops must wait for cars to turn off of two lane roads, or else make the road one lane.

Paved roads become bumpy from uneven snow being backed down, and at intersections and stop signs, condensation from exhaust pipes creates egg crate-like spikes, making commuters take an extra breath to stop and start. Dirt roads found in the hills become smooth for a time, with the snow filling the pot holes. The city sends monstrous trucks to drop loads of heated pebbles into the streets, adding traction. Every new snow hides the layers of ice and snow and pebbles, and the next plow makes the snow berms speckled with black and gray.

Accidents in winter exist in irony: the slick conditions make it ultimately easier to over compensate or be caught off guard, but the walls of snow on the side of the roads, and piles in the ditch, often make these accidents less harmful. The snow will stop cars from running head on into forests, or keep engines from crunching under the vehicles weight into the ground. Towing takes less effort and you just pull the cars body over snow. There's not as much dents or scratches.

Spring finally arrives, and the bones of the road reappear. They loose they facade of being vessels where cars flow, stuck between the walls which only get higher, and come large, flat black pavements. Drivers immediately fall back into staying the separate lanes, something unsafe earlier that month, and adhere to the painted lines. The snow berms start to melt, mostly at first from the sun's new found heat. They melt at an angle, with sharp cliffs pointed towards the sky. Pools of rocks form under the cliffs, adding to the jagged motif. Pebbles left on the road, though, now provide another danger, as stopping quickly on dry roads covered with rocks is just as dangerous, if not more, than ice.

Finally one night, as twilight happens, the roads will be wet and shining, and there will be the reflections of the stop lights on the road. Huge strokes of sometimes yellow, but mostly green and red will color the streets. With the onset of summer, and it's continuous usable light, the next time the roads will be colored that way will mean that fall has started, and soon, the roads will once again become canals, man made tunnels, etched out of blinding white snow.

Hopefully by the end of the week, I'll finish emptying out storage sheds, and then I'll have everything I own in my cabin. It's a weird feeling, but a good one. Knowing this is everything. I'm finally getting rid of a lot of things. I'm holding onto more than I should, but since I have this six month lease it'll be fine, and maybe before then I'll be able to give it to people who'll appreciate it more than me. That, and I want to be able to travel when my lease expires, and all I want to have besides my suitcases is a box that I'll ask grandma to hold on to. My goal: One box. Maybe I'll have two...but one would be a hell of an accomplishment.

Emma and I spent pretty much all of Saturday night decorating my cabin. I got all of my posters, art that people have given me, trinkets and things and now it really feels like my cabin. I also all the art, writing, and awards that have been in boxes since my grandma packed up the house while I was in California. It was like finding a box that said "This is who you are, in case you've lost that."

So, now I have all of my books, my mix CDs, movies...and I feel rather proud of it. Maybe it's just spring, but I feel better.

Anyway, off to the rest of the internets. Later.

I'm over the hump, hopefully, from being sick. As for allergies, in particular asthma, I'm still struggling. I'll have to not hang out at people's places if they have pets for a while. I can't handle another week like that.

Classes are going surprisingly well. Pretty much every time I miss a class, something happens so it doesn't affect me (like the teacher canceling it, or no one showing up). Even papers that I'm so behind on are still fine. It's bizarre, and I'm not sure how to handle it.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do this summer. I'll be getting some more financial aid in, so that after my $600 fuel bill I'll be able to pay my way through May, which I'll finish classes and do Dance Theatre Fairbanks' "Chorea Borealis" (which is comprised of the ballet "Alaska" which I'm a Gold miner in, and the dance adaptation of the childrens book "When the Northern Lights Come Out to Play" where I'm choreographing the Polar Bear partnering sections). I have no idea where I can work, cause I don't want to work at Princess (I want to keep my eye brow ring). I also REALLY want to take Grossweiner's Noir and Neo-Noir film class in June.

Anyway, off to go back to my cabin in the hills, which is going really well. For the most part I'm settled in, just a few more things to take care of and I'll be set for the next five months. Summer out there is going to be so goddamn nice (and I'll make it that way if it isn't, and yes that's a challenge).

I'm going to move into a cabin today, or tonight if the snow plow people can't get to it. It's $450 a month, which isn't bad. My deceision was made by how fast could I pack up here at my grandma's...the answer was less than an hour, so I called her and told her I'd move in. I'm going to pay all the way through April today, and I accepted another $1,500 in loans from the U for food and gas. I'll have to not be as impulsive with money, so I think this might be a good thing. It has lots of parking, which is good because I have lots of friends. Is this a LAN that I smell?

Anyway, I also have an appointment with the sleep study people at 4. Then, meet up with the landlord. Then, hopefully the driveway will be plowed, and I can enlist the help of people to get all the stuff out of my Grandma's, and then I'll head up to Luke's to get the couch, card table, chairs and desk. Go go moving!

As for names, how about the Galactic Leyline (or simply, the Leyline?). Extra points if you know where it comes from.

Saw the doctor today about my left side everything pain. Got some x-rays. Everything was normal except that supposedly the curve of my spine would straighten or something like that, suggesting muscle spasms. The doctor is pretty much at a loss as much as I am, so he gave me a prescription for muscle relaxants to see if they will help. I pick them up tomorrow.

Looked at an apartment today, applied there. Will probably hear back on Wednesday. That'd be cool if I could move in this week...

Anyway, off to spend my first night of this spring break going to transfer sights. Wooo.

I'm kind of thinking about moving out of my grandmas this week. Nothing bad, but I'm just in one of those moods. Like, I want to improve my life. One of those. So I'm looking at efficiencies, 1 bedrooms, and cabins. Cheap stuff. I've found a couple things on Craigslist (the Newsminer website sucks at finding 1 bedroom rentals).

Oh, and it's spring break. Good times, yes? Maybe if I move out soon, I'll have a spring PART~~AY!

Watchmen was an interesting movie. Half of it was a campy romp, while the other half was a ridiculous super hero movie. Good soundtrack.

Anyway, I have a Twitter now. Same username as here. Add me, if you will.

Four hours of dance tomorrow. Woo!

Dreams sometimes feel like where I belong, and I'm sad to wake up. Sometimes, I don't feel like I belong in my dreams, or where I wake up. Can't really do anything about that, can you?

The last few days have been hard. It seems like the recent trip to Anchorage was a divider, with end of winter on one side, and start of spring on the other. It seems like lots of shit happened while I was gone, including my brother getting (another) kidney stone, one that's 8mm large, and my mother seemingly having a mini-stroke.

My rooms a mess, I have about five or six pages to write and turn in in less than 16 or so hours, and an appointment with the chiropractor. Hmm. We'll see how it goes.

Tomorrow is totally buy Valentine's Day candy on sale day. Totally stoked. I'm going to overdose on Sweethearts, it'll be GREAT!

Nature Made can kiss my ass.

I may have just found a half-brother of mine on Facebook *GASP*. This shit is crazy.

I just accidentally found four bottles of vodka under my nightstand. There were 12 more under the dresser on the other side of the bed. I just keep cleaning up more and more of his mess (yes, I think that was a metaphor).